Mini Crib for Our Small Space Nursery
This was a bittersweet moment. I really wanted to have our second child here at the cottage.
Unfortunately, the timing simply didn't align. (Click here to read my post about becoming pregnant after trying to conceive for 2 years.)
For months, West asked to see where the baby will sleep, so we finally showed him the lil’ convertible crib, which will accompany us on our next adventure...
We have the Bloom alma mini+ crib, which is more compact than a standard design, and can convert to a larger size and toddler bed when the time comes.
We're Moving!
After a decade in our tiny canal cottage, we are moving. (And not to the French farmhouse quite yet.)
You see, we made the offer on the farmhouse the same week I conceived. Before discovering that I was pregnant, our plan was to travel to France (contingent upon COVID) in April to begin eight months of restoration work on the property. Naturally, our baby is expected to arrive in late April. (Ah, the universe!)
So we had a choice: Either stay in our beloved little LA cottage for the birth + fourth trimester (knowing that we’d have one foot out the door, plus zero help with the baby, West or my small business), or take the leap and uproot our company and home lives by my third trimester to be closer to family.
We chose family. Especially since, like so many other folks across the globe, we haven’t seen each other for a year or more.
After much deliberation, we’ve started planning an ~800 square-foot, sustainable cottage (classified as an ADU or “Accessory Dwelling Unit”) in a clearing on my parent’s property in Northern Florida.
The intention of this little space is for it to be a combined home/office/studio for my family and business when we’re not in France, and for it to be enjoyed by others when we’re away. Then, down the road, it can become a private residence to long-term care experts for my parents, should that become necessary.
Just like with the farmhouse, what drew me to this concept (beyond the proximity to family) is the idea of shared spaces and belongings. We’re excited to experience multigenerational living and support one another while sharing select amenities and goods.
Plus — with the arrival of the baby and some larger work projects unfolding behind-the-scenes — Adam and I could use some help in the months to come. And my folks, who are in their mid-70s, could use some help lately, too.
While we design and build our little ADU and await the right moment to begin our journey in France, we’ll be staying in my parents’ home. Initially, I dug my heels in about this, stubbornly repeating to Adam that I would not be turning 40 and having a baby in a home that’s not my own, thank-you-very-much. I paced the weathered floors of our beachside home while wondering out loud, on a relentless loop, just how on earth I could continue to nurture my interiors business while living for months out of a suitcase in the upstairs of the house in which I grew up.
After all, as someone who has carved out a career in the home space, and as someone who is the sole income earner for her immediate family, it is nerve-wracking from a business perspective to abruptly have no dedicated space in which to create for several months. But this move feels right.
We will actively be working on two entirely unique small spaces (the prairie cottage, and the 1800’s farmhouse), which we get to call home and share with others, both physically and digitally. We get to expand our son’s world and bring new life into it. Our adventure-loving pups will be able to run through a slice of paradise, no leashes required. And we can finally, FINALLY hug our wonderful parents.
The financial jump of going from renting in Venice to co-owning in France and building in Florida might seem extravagant, but it’s actually not. Our Venice cottage, although tiny, is located in a major, expensive city, and its proximity to the beach, marina and canals makes it a real estate goldmine. During our decade there, we invested as much in rent, updates, and the heightened cost of living than the farmhouse and ADU will cost us combined— especially since the farmhouse is shared between three parties.
To be able to introduce West to new natural splendors while welcoming his baby sibling into a home that’s overflowing with helping hands and unwavering love is such a privilege and gift.
We’ll have a live/work space of our own soon enough. For now, that love is all we need.
Thoughts on “Influence” and This Week's Events
For better and worse, what happens online matters. This week’s foul events in Washington D.C. are clear proof of this. There is immense influence online, and it manifests in endless ways.
In the context of the Cottage, influence is what sustains my small business and puts a roof over my family’s head.
In the non-profit world, influence has enabled a myriad of organizations to advance their efforts through means that weren’t available a decade ago.
In the sphere of community organizing, influence is arguably what mobilized the greatest voter turnout in an election in modern American history.
But, in this digitized political era in which we now find ourselves, online influence can fuel the myth of white supremacy, the rapid spread of baseless and even disproven conspiracy theories, dangerous disinformation, and the recent abhorrent rise in hate crimes.
“Racial history does not repeat harmlessly. Instead, its devastation multiplies when generation after generation repeat the same failed strategies and solutions and ideologies, rather than burying past failures in the caskets of past generations.” - Ibram X. Kendi
Pictured: Be Antiracist: A Journal for Awareness, Reflection and Action Book by Ibram X. Kendi
If your elected officials did not represent your values at the Capitol this week, you can tell them so. And remember that they work for your community, and YOU have the power to vote them out. Organizing and mobilizing is a year-round effort, not just something reserved for election years. (Click here to find your representative.)
Read: “The Whole Story in a Single Photo: An image from the Capitol captures the distance between who we purport to be and who we have actually been” by Clint Smith
Read: “White Entitlement on Parade” by Jamil Smith
A note to readers who think I should just “stick to home decor”:
The goal of this blog and my work is to help people feel comfortable, confident and content in their small spaces. But here in America, many Black citizens can’t even feel safe in and around their own homes due the extreme and unrelenting dangers and threats that accompany racism. (One of the most widely known examples of this is, of course, the deeply disturbing murder of Breonna Taylor.)
A note to readers who think the climate crisis and systemic racism are unrelated, and just want me to “stay in my lane” by simply sharing tips regarding what I’ve learned regarding lower waste living, remember this:
”… our racial inequality crisis is intertwined with our climate crisis. If we don’t work on both, we will succeed at neither.” - Dr. Ayana Elizabeth Johnson
A note to readers who are white:
It is our daily responsibility to dismantle the myth of white supremacy and the systems of oppression that continue to burden and even destroy the lives of those in marginalized communities.
We Bought a (Tiny!) Farmhouse!
On the last day of 2020, we bought a house.
A very old, very small farmhouse... in France.
I’ll turn 40 this year, and up until this point the biggest purchase I’d ever made was my plain little car that I bought in my 20s. Adam and I have been renting our tiny cottage here in Venice for ten years, and never truly allowed ourselves to even consider the vague possibility of homeownership until recently.
This acquisition didn’t happen easily, and took months.
Global lockdowns and the financial + emotional strain of the pandemic (both in general and within the bubble of our family and small business) impacted every step of the process. The undertaking would’ve been complicated enough to begin with, regardless of the mayhem of 2020. But, with a firm belief in our vision, along with the help of what feels like a thousand warm-hearted people, it’s finally official.
We first began speaking to a realtor about the property (which features an <800 sqft residence and additional outbuildings,) in May. In August, while the five of us were in the aforementioned car driving to/from Idaho, we decided to take a bold leap and make our offer on the farmhouse. (It turns out that this happened to be the same week I got pregnant, because that’s just how the universe works.)
Those days and the months that followed were a flurry of phone calls, Google spreadsheets and group text chains, as we planned on joint ownership with two other parties.
From the onset, we envisioned sharing the farmhouse with family and friends in one form or another. Not only are we accustomed to a co-living format when residing abroad, but sharing household assets is an important part of our lifestyle here at the Cottage in Venice. I’ve become a firm believer that we don’t all necessarily need one of everything to ourselves. We’ve shared utilities and spaces with our next door neighbors for ten years, and this has enhanced our sense of community while decreasing our expenses and consumption.
The farmhouse isn’t a timeshare property. Instead, it’s a residence that we can all enjoy together or separately at any time. The co-owners of the farmhouse are my life-long closest friends with whom I’ve lived, worked and traveled extensively in the past. One has purchased property as part of a partnership before, which has helped us chart the more formal aspects of this acquisition, and map out our internal legal agreements between us as part of our joint ownership.
Together, we will renovate and restore the farmhouse. We will also develop the barn into a shared living space. We made this purchase with the intention of the buildings and land being part of our families across generations.
One of our primary goals throughout this project is to be as sustainable in our repairs and design as possible, reusing whatever materials we can, and opting for vintage and second-hand over newly manufactured goods. So far we’re off to a promising start with this endeavor, as we inherited several pieces of furniture and accessories from the previous stewards of the property.
We’re not sure when we’ll get there, but the work starts now. I look forward to sharing our design and lifestyle journey with you, and hope that you fall in love with this tiny French farmhouse just as we have.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Here are answers to some of the top questions we’ve already been asked repeatedly, and/or expect to receive frequently:
Will we leave our Venice cottage?
Yes. Sob! (More on this topic very soon.)
Who will move into our Venice cottage when we’re gone?
The owner has a plan, and is not currently seeking applicants.
Will we change our company name?
No, not any time soon. We’ll remain The Tiny Canal Cottage, even after we’ve said goodbye to our beloved home of 10 years.
How big is the farmhouse?
The residence is a 2 bedroom with an interior that measures under 800 square feet. There are additional outbuildings and a utility shed.
What size is the plot of land?
Several acres.
Where is the farmhouse located?
In the Midi-Pyrénées region of France. We are not disclosing the specific town for privacy reasons.
Why France?
I’ve been visiting France since middle school -- first as part of my education, then as part of my business. I’ve lived/worked there for long stretches of time in the past, and have hoped to find a place there for over a decade.
When do we plan to start renovating and living in the French farmhouse?
The structural repairs on the farmhouse will begin immediately, even as we remain in the States until it’s safe and permissible to travel to Europe. We hope to visit in 2021, but time and circumstance will tell. We plan to make stylistic renovations while living there, so we can do much of it on our own and share the experience with this community.
What about StanLee & Sophee?
Stubs and Soph are our family. (And long-time readers know that StanLee is the love of my life.) There’s no decision that Adam and I make without the pups at the top of our minds. We have a visa agency that can get the dogs the documents and permits needed for overseas travel and living, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, as our longer-term stays in France are likely a couple of years away. (Note: I will never place our dogs in the cargo hold of a plane.) When we travel for shorter stays abroad, the pups will be well loved and cared for by our family, just as they have been in the past.
How old is the farmhouse?
To our knowledge, it was built in the 1860s.
Will the farmhouse be a vacation rental? Is it a timeshare?
The farmhouse is intended to be a long-term residence for our family and the other owners when the timing is suitable. It is not a timeshare, nor is it a rental property.
Will we permanently leave the USA?
Not at this point. We will still spend a portion of each year in the States with our families.
What about school for the little ones?
We are familiar with schools in this region, and are considering them for the future. We are also interested in homeschooling options.
Why did we buy this property with partners?
There are numerous reasons why we preferred the idea of shared ownership for this property. As none of us can initially be there full-time, the split nature of the investment means that the home and land will be better used between multiple parties. And the combined responsibilities help spread out the financial burden of purchasing, repairing and renovating. Beyond the financial implications, sharing belongings between one another within the house reduces the need for each party to have their own separate space with its own furnishings, appliances, etc., which helps us reduce our collective footprint. And, lastly, it’s simply more enjoyable this way, as our families are used to traveling and working together. A takeaway from our COVID-19 experience is the clear understanding that we want to be in close proximity to the ones we love for sizable stretches of time.
Who are the co-owners of the farmhouse?
We have two partners in this property. They are life-long friends with whom I’ve lived, worked and traveled in the past. One has purchased property with co-owners before, which has helped us chart the formal aspects of partnering for this acquisition.
What about the carbon footprint of air travel?
This is one of the primary reasons we’re leaving our Venice cottage. Flying between our rental in California, the farmhouse in France, and our extended families in the States would be more non-essential air travel than we feel is responsible. (Less than 20% of the world’s population has ever been on a plane, yet the negative environmental impacts of air travel affect the entire planet.) In recent years (prior to the pandemic), we saved up most of our air miles to fly to/from our families. Now that we have the farmhouse, we will relocate our US residence to be closer to our loved ones, and reallocate our air miles to the trans-Atlantic flights.
Do we know people in the Midi-Pyrénées who helped in the purchase process?
Yes. Our friends in the region generously provided their time and energy, and acted as our surrogates on several occasions.
Where do we plan to have the baby?
The baby will be born in the States, though we plan to be out of the Cottage before then. (That’s another big blog post for later this month!)
Happy holidays from our (tiny) home to yours!
Happy holidays from our (tiny) home to yours!
On this Christmas day, I want to thank everyone in this community who has supported The RightWay Foundation throughout the season. Because of your love, more transition-age foster youth have their own apartments to call home, feel a decrease in social isolation, receive therapy to move through the trauma they’ve experienced, and are employed and reaching for their dreams.
On this day and every day, we are thankful for you.
Journaling (not just for ourselves, but for a better world)
“Imagining ourselves as separate from — and having dominion over — nature, we forget that we, too, are animals. We forget that we live on land rich with history, pain, and beauty, deeply burdened by the weight of our presence. We forget that each of us is responsible for the legacy and survival of the earth.” - What’s Your Story?: A Journal For Everyday Evolution
Despite the fact that I’m constantly pouring my heart out on this blog and Instagram, I’ve never been one for journaling. But whenever I take the time to write out my thoughts for my own clarity, I inevitably feel better and more organized about the issue that’s weighing heavily on my mind.
In an attempt to sooth anxiety and embrace growth and evolution during what has been one of the most stressful times for our family (as it has been for countless others), I started making my way through the new book, What’s Your Story?: A Journal For Everyday Evolution, by Rebecca Walker and Lily Diamond.
What’s Your Story? is a beautifully designed, interactive journal that contains series of deeply personal writing prompts intended to excavate the stories that have shaped our pasts, while inspiring new, fulfilling narratives for our future.
Flipping through the book upon arrival, I landed on this prompt first: “How does it feel to consider yourself a part of, rather than separate from, the natural world? What keeps you from feeling this every day?”
I intend to sit on this for a while before inking my thoughts in the journal. What would you write?
Celebrating the Holidays While Staying "Safer at Home"
We’re missing our friends, family and community traditions as we stay “Safer at Home” here in Los Angeles for the holidays. But Adam and I are attempting to make magic within our bubble however we can for our four year old. Below are some of my favorite recent photos that capture the feelings and visuals that I hope he remembers from this strange season of life…
Give the Gift of Mental Health Support
Post Summary: This winter, be a part of giving transition-age foster youth a safe place to live, work, grow, and heal.
Unresolved trauma leaves former foster youth at a greater risk of experiencing substance abuse, unemployment, homelessness, incarceration, and poverty. For Giving Tuesday during this difficult year, please consider giving the gift of mental health support to help foster youth become the adults they deserve to be.
This week, I’m focusing on how contributions of varying sizes can give Youth from The RightWay Foundation the gift of access to professional mental health care.
Your donation of $35 can provide mental health care for one Youth for one day.
Your donation of $245 can provide mental health care for one Youth for one week.
Your donation of $980 can provide mental health care for one Youth for one month.
RightWay has been working towards securing safe, dedicated apartments for unhoused transition-age foster Youth in LA, while also providing them with mental health care, access to essential services, job placement, a supportive community, and trauma-informed training for employers.
Other giving options:
$32 provides one day of rent / $240 provides one week of rent / $960 provides one month of rent
$63 provides one week of food / $250 provides one month of food
$60 provides one month of Internet Connectivity
$50 provides one month of Health & Wellness Supplies
$200 provides one month of Home Essentials & Laundry
$100 provides one month of Heat, Gas, Water, and Electricity
$35 provides one day of mental health services / $195 provides one week of mental health services / $770 provides one month of mental health services
Pregnancy Month 5 / Sheltering at Home Month 9
As we close out November, I’m in month 5 of my pregnancy, and we’re nearly at month 9 of sheltering at home.
We’ve embraced the earlier nights, filling them with glittering lights and fragrant garlands and greenery throughout the Cottage.
Above: A curtain of twinkling lights. (Click here to shop the strands.)
We’ve slowly started decorating for the season. This year, it’s more for something joyful and different to do than anything else, I think…
Above: West wearing his new “Grow With Me” clothes (which last for years and through growth spurts) from Caribou Kids Clothing.
West has picked some of his own ornaments, like a little bird’s nest made of vines, and a bundle of acorns he keeps in an repurposed box on the vintage coffee table.
Our neighbors are still sharing their amazing food with us, while Adam bakes us all sourdough bread to share a few times per month.
This miraculous bump is growing, which is heartening and helps calm my nerves about my “high-risk” pregnancy.
Above: Much-appreciated maternity leggings from Boob Design.
I’m living almost entirely in leggings (pictured above), a loungewear set (pictured below), and a stretchy “Nap Dress” that I suspect will be particularly helpful when nursing in the months to come.
The baby’s first present arrived via a socially-distanced drop-off: a vintage set of handmade crochet booties. Holding them made me process the pregnancy in a way I realized I’d not yet permitted myself to experience.
Our son has grown substantially in recent months, so we ordered him a batch of long-lasting, “grow with me” bamboo clothes, including a holiday set that he’ll undoubtedly wear year-round. (His current grow with me clothes still fit, as they have for years. It’s everything else that he’s outgrown.)
Above: West’s height progression since COVID.
We’ve been attempting our first gingerbread man (borderline inedible) and gingerbread houses (which collapsed within minutes) with West. The excitement of the activity itself is what our four year old clearly relishes the most.
We’re still attempting to be as low waste as possible, using items such as our water carbonator 5-6 times per day, and relying exclusively on things like our bidet attachment. (We’ve bought just one 4-pack of toilet paper in 2020.) I
It’s admittedly more challenging to stay low waste at the grocery store since reusables aren’t permitted in Los Angeles during the pandemic. But we’re still sticking to all the reusables we can, such as our washable face masks and washable un-paper towels, cotton wipes, and so forth.
Above: A face mask made with deadstock fabric from SUAY. This mask is a buy-1-donate-1, with the donations going directly from the maker to Indigenous youth, and the leftover dollars going Seeding Sovereignty.
It’s still a rocky season of life for us, as it is for most. But I’m filled with gratitude for our health and home, and for all the medical and essential workers out there who’ve been working relentlessly in order to keep us all safer.
Give a Gift to Help Address Internet Access Inequality
Post Summary: GIVE A GIFT THAT HELPS ADDRESS INTERNET INEQUALITY
Countless Americans, particularly underserved and underrepresented populations, are facing substantial educational, professional and social barriers because of their limited access to the internet and technology during the COVID crisis.
This week, I’m focusing on how contributions of varying sizes can go directly towards providing internet connectivity (assisting with online education, communication and a decrease of social isolation) to the Youth at The RightWay Foundation.
$2 provides 1 day of connectivity
$14 provides 1 week of connectivity
$60 provides 1 month of connectivity
For those who are newer here, RightWay has been working towards securing safe, dedicated apartments for unhoused transition-age foster Youth in LA, while also providing them with mental health care, access to essential services, job placement, a supportive community, and trauma-informed training for employers.
For anyone wanting to make a contribution of ANY amount, a donation link is in here via the RightWay website. THANK YOU.
A Socially Distanced Family Picnic on the Beach
While “Pandemic Fatigue” is clearly spreading through the country, I refuse to let it lure our family into relaxing the precautions we take to protect ourselves and our community from the spread of COVID-19.
We plan to stay home for the holidays. However, we set aside one evening in November to safely celebrate numerous special occasions with my closest friend and her four year old. Due to the pandemic, coupled with varying schedules and stringent safety protocols, our families hadn’t seen each other for nearly a year, despite the fact that we both live in LA. So we got COVID tests + results, and then meet up on the beach here in Venice/Santa Monica for a picnic— just the 5 of us. (We wore our masks except for when eating— click here to see my favorite masks and how I increase their longevity.)
The cozy, beautiful picnic setup— along with the delicious provisions included— were all supplied by Santa Monica Picnic Co. (Website / Instagram.)
Their service provided us with the table, rug and cushions, battery-operated lighting, a lovely tablescape, food and beverage, and even details like to-go boxes, a bluetooth speaker, a polaroid camera, incense, warm blankets, and an umbrella. (Textiles by Fragments Identity for Santa Monica Picnic Co.)
It was deeply therapeutic to reconnect in person with my best friend. And it was downright magical to do so as we watched our children play against the backdrop of crashing waves and the setting sun.
Thank you, Santa Monica Picnic Co. for the most memorable setting for our mini-gathering. I’ve lived by the beach here in West LA for 13 years, and this will forever be one of the happiest and brightest memories from my time living on the Pacific coast.
Learn about everything that’s included in the picnics here, as well as explore optional add-ons.
Note: This post was not sponsored, but the picnic was generously gifted by our new friends at Santa Monica Picnic Co, whose service we genuinely recommend.
The Gift of Safe Shelter
This community continues to show up for The RightWay Foundation in meaningful ways— THANK YOU. As such, I’ll be providing updates regarding their 2020 holiday giving initiative throughout the season .
First, for readers who are newer here, RightWay has been working towards securing safe, dedicated apartments for unhoused transition-age foster Youth in LA, while also providing them with mental health care, job placement, a supportive community, and trauma-informed training for employers.
This week, I’m focusing on how contributions to RightWay can provide the holiday gift of safe, dedicated shelter in Los Angeles for their Youth:
To house 1 Youth per day costs $32
Per week, it’s $224
Per month, it’s $960
Further breakdowns can be explored via the graphic below:
For anyone wanting to make a contribution (of any amount), please click here to visit RightWay’s donation page.
Pregnancy After Trying to Conceive for Nearly 2 Years
Content alert: This post contains frank and personal stories concerning the process of trying to conceive and stay pregnant. (Related post: My Fertility Journey)
When I was pregnant with West (who is now 4 years old), I couldn’t wait to share the news with our friends, family and online community. This time around has been quite different— just like the pregnancy itself.
I tried to conceive for nearly two years. I’m sure that there were a few months along the way during which Adam and I missed my ovulation window, but there were also months when we saw signs of early pregnancies that didn’t last. I had negative and positive pregnancy tests. I experienced a few instances of bleeding that nurses and I suspected were implantation bleeding (which I had with West). There were months with no periods, months with weeks-long bleeding, and the corresponding hormonal & physical fluctuations.
I had normal FSH levels / test results for my age, and my incredible doctor informed me that there was no discernible reason that I couldn’t conceive. I had anxiety of course— who hasn’t this year? I was 38… then I turned 39… and the months kept rolling by.
During this time, many women kindly reached out to me with stories of what worked for them when they were trying to conceive. Some individuals encouraged me to change my diet (we’re vegetarians), others suggested particular vitamins, and some recommended hormone creams. I appreciated the intention and time behind each and every message. But I made the personal decision to simply listen to my body and let it guide the way.
Eventually, I felt like perhaps I should interpret my body’s signals as a sign for me to fully accept second infertility.
Above: Details from the Cottage nursery in 2016, photographed by Kat Borchart.
I stopped wearing my ovulation tracking bracelet. I enjoyed learning from the insights it provided, and am glad I used it as long as I did. But eventually the act of putting on / taking off the bracelet began to feel hopeless, so I thanked it for what it taught me— particularly about my sleep habits — and tucked the bracelet away in my dopp kit.
In August, we decided to take a quiet, very COVID-cautious, week-long road trip to visit my sister’s family in Boise. We packed up our little old Honda Fit, buckled in West and the pups, and drove 800+ miles in the blazing sun in order to get out of our bubble for the first time since February. (I didn’t mention the trip on Instagram. I wanted it to be all about family— not work. And I didn’t want to contribute to normalizing travel during the pandemic.)
We believe it was on this trip that I got pregnant with the new life that’s now inside of me.
I hadn’t stopped eating a vegetarian diet, nor did I add any supplements to my routine (beyond continuing my prenatals). I didn’t take any hormones either. I experienced no implantation bleeding this time. Instead, my first signs were the common symptoms felt around week 6, such as fatigue, tenderness, nausea.
Above: The Cottage closet nursery in 2016.
Weirdly enough, it was a random symptom — congestion — that nudged me out of bed at 1 o’clock at night while my family slept, and prompted me to go buy a pregnancy test at a 24-hour pharmacy. While I was at the store, I made an atypical purchase; a tiny toy construction set for West. I had a feeling that Adam and I would be distracted by the test results in the morning, and I didn’t want our then-3 year old, who’d fallen asleep between us in the “family bed” that night, feeling overlooked.
The moment I returned home, I took the test.
When the “YES +” appeared, I felt a wave of enormous joy. Then, moments later, I experienced a crash of fears. I decided to sit in those feelings by myself until Adam awoke 5 hours later.
When West began to stir, I decided to activate the camera on my phone and let it run, thinking it might be delightful to catch Adam’s reaction to the test. More than twenty minutes passed, and by then I forgot that the camera was running. When Adam opened his eyes, I handed the test to West and asked him if he wouldn’t mind passing it along to his father. When Adam realized what he was looking it, his eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open in disbelief. (It had been about a year since we’d last seen a positive test.) Despite the worry pressing in on me, I couldn’t help but laugh. And, since I’d forgotten about the camera, I promptly sat up right in front of it.
Turns out that the miniature construction set was a good call. West was thrilled with that surprise, as Adam and I were thrilled with the other.
I’m now well into my second trimester— a welcome relief after the first, which was unforgiving. Not only is my pregnancy labeled as a Geriatric (as it was with West), but it’s also now labeled as Elderly Multigravida.
So far, all medical tests indicate that the baby is healthy and on track. But every time I feel round ligament pain, I desperately hope that’s all it is. Every time I use the restroom, I hold my breath and check for signs of disruption. Every time an unpleasant pregnancy symptom vanishes, relief is accompanied by a parallel panic.
To the women out there who are trying to conceive and/or who have suffered loss - I am holding you with me tightly, every day.
*A note on privilege: During my pregnancy and birth with West and now, I’ve have the privilege of safe and respectful maternity care. Access, along with the opportunity and space be heard in order to best achieve a healthy outcome for mother and child is by no means a given for every woman in America.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that “Black mothers in the U.S. die at three to four times the rate of white mothers, one of the widest of all racial disparities in women's health.” (NPR)
According to Every Mother Counts: “Chronic stress and systemic and interpersonal racism contribute to a higher risk of complications and death for women of color. The number of women who die giving birth in America each year has nearly doubled in the last two decades, and over half of all maternal deaths in the U.S. can be prevented.“
My journey will always include working towards dismantling the systemic racism that robs Black women and women of color from potentially having the same wonderful experience with their baby/babies as I had with West.
While We Wait
While we’ve been awaiting election results, America officially left the The Paris Climate Agreement. (Click here to read about 72 ways the current president has made America dirtier and the planet warmer.) Considering all that teeters on the brink— particularly for disenfranchised communities and the health of our one mighty, shared home— more than 72 million folks in the United States (my family included) are holding our breath for the election to be fairly and lawfully called for the candidate who has a viable plan for a clean energy revolution and environmental justice.*
I’ve been actively fighting the urge to continually refresh the NPR app, and have instead kept my hands busy with work (a foggy version of it, at least). I’ve also thrown myself into chores and family activities that leave little to no opportunity to obsessively check my phone. I’ve found that having control over something— even something insignificant like setting up a different workspace every day— has temporarily kept me from focusing solely on that which is beyond my control.
I believe that this has helped me preserve some energy to check in with loved ones, collaborate further with The RightWay Foundation, entertain and educate our 4 year old (alongside Adam, who is our son’s primary caregiver during the day), keep our small business quietly humming, and hopefully nurture the little life growing inside me.
As we nervously putter through the days, particular articles and comments concerning the environment, social + environmental justice, and what’s at stake keep resurfacing in my mind. I’m sharing some of those words below.
“The climate crisis is a leadership crisis. For far too long, too many leaders have focused on profit, power, and prestige; and many of those committed to change have been ineffective. The climate crisis is the result of social, political, and economic systems that are wildly skewed to benefit those who already have so much. To transform society this decade— the clear task science has set before us— we need transformational leadership. We need feminine and feminist climate leadership, which is wide open to people of any gender. This is where possibility lives— possibility that we can turn away from the brink and move toward a life-giving future for all.” - All We Can Save, edited by Ayana Elizabeth Johnson & Katherine K. Wilkinson
“Environmental justice embraces the principle that all people and communities are entitled to equal protection of environmental, housing, economic, transportation, energy, and civil rights — including voting rights.” - Robert Bullard to Rolling Stone (From the article “Another Reason We Can’t Breathe”)
“… administration after administration has failed to sufficiently act on or even acknowledge environmental racism, and the toll it’s taken has been undeniable. Meeting the challenges of this moment — with the intersection of so many crises coming to a boiling point — will require thinking beyond the outdated notions of what qualifies as a climate policy.” - Jamil Smith
“To meet the challenges of the climate crisis and preserve all that we hold dear; to retain democracy, social justice, human rights, and other hard-won freedoms in the future, we must part ways with that which threatens to destroy them. Now is the time to make profound shifts in how we live, work, and relate to each other.” - The Future We Choose: Surviving the Climate Crisis
“So, to white people who care about maintaining a habitable planet, I need you to become actively anti-racist. I need you to understand that our racial inequality crisis is intertwined with our climate crisis. If we don’t work on both, we will succeed at neither.” - Dr. Ayana Elizabeth Johnson
"A democracy cannot thrive where power remains unchecked and justice is reserved for a select few. Ignoring these cries and failing to respond to this movement is simply not an option — for peace cannot exist where justice is not served." - Rep. John Lewis
“Efforts to discourage and disenfranchise voters—in voter registration, ballot access, or counting of votes—have a catastrophic effect on our democracy and our communities.” - Fair Fight by Stacey Abrams
“Americans are deeply divided—and we’re deeply divided over why we’re deeply divided. To be antiracist is to recognize and challenge racism as the source of the racial divide. To be racist is to deny racism and frame those challenging racism as the source of the racial divide.” - Ibram X. Kendi
“Resist the urge to quit.” - Heather McGhee
“Release the need to hate, to harbor division, and the enticement of revenge. Release all bitterness. Hold only love, only peace in your heart, knowing that the battle of good to overcome evil is already won." - John Lewis
*”On the environment and climate change, [Joe] Biden wants to spend $2 trillion on an emissions-free power sector by 2035, build energy-efficient structures and vehicles, push solar and wind power, establish research agencies to develop safe nuclear power and carbon capture technologies, and more. The investment will produce two million jobs for U.S. workers, his campaign claims, and the climate plan will be partly paid by eliminating Trump's corporate tax cuts. Historically disadvantaged communities in the U.S. will receive 40 percent of these energy and infrastructure benefits.” - Scientific American
Growing Our Family
We’d begun to settle into the belief that another pregnancy wouldn’t happen for us... and now here we are. I’m in my second trimester— guarded, bewildered, and steeped in gratitude.
We’d begun to settle into the belief that it wouldn’t happen... and now here we are— guarded, bewildered, and steeped in gratitude.
Our four year old knows that sometime in spring he’ll become a big brother. To our relief and delight, he’s jubilant, though he has also confessed to being “a little nervous.” (So are we, sweet one. So are we.)
I have much more to write about this experience thus far, along with our plans and my thoughts on fear, loss and privilege... but I’ll save all that for after the election. Our vote is our voice— let’s be heard, loud and clear.
Related posts:
My Fertility Journey
My Voting Plan
10 Year Anniversary
10 years ago today, this little family of mine began to take shape.
I biked to a beachside restaurant with my friend and told her about someone named Adam with whom I’d been chatting online. While at the restaurant, I received a text from Adam saying he was thinking about me, as he was randomly on the Westside for brunch. (He lived in Silverlake at the time, and I lived on the beach here in Venice. We’d not yet met in person.) We soon realized that we were sitting in the same restaurant.
I will never, ever forget seeing Adam for the first time as he approached our table. I can still remember the way he made me feel. I’m no romantic, but I knew immediately that he was it for me. (On our next encounter, StanLee met Adam and agreed, which made everything official.)
A decade later, we have more grays, are softer around the edges, and take a bit longer to wake up in the morning, but still experience all of those extraordinary feelings and more.
Adam: Sleepy cheers to our 10th anniversary, my love.
Photo no.1 by Lucia Doynel, photo no.2 by Hilton Carter for his beautiful book, Wild Interiors.
Home Learning - Tracing Tools for Children
Now that our little one is home almost non-stop for the seventh month in a row, we’ve started setting up morning mini lessons designed for his current interests and skills. At 4 years old, he’s ready for some semblance of schooling. But due to the ever-rising cost of pre-school in Los Angeles coupled with the COVID-19 rates throughout the city, my husband and I made the tough decision to not send our child to classes for the foreseeable future.
West has been spelling out short words and expressing a more in-depth understanding of numbers (particularly since counting down to his birthday), so we introduced some tracing tools to his daily mix of learning materials.
Our friends at Timberchild (who, years ago, crafted the wooden plates that our kiddo still uses daily), sent him this beautifully made, double-sided tracing board for his recent birthday.
These number boards are made from one solid, smoothly sanded piece of wood. With one side, children can start to recognize and learn numbers 1 through 10, and then progress to 11 through 20 on the flip side. The numbers can be traced with a finger, or by using the wooden stylus provided. Our son likes to invent various ways to count out the numbers, scrounging up crafting supplies, rocks, marbles, and even the annoying ficus seeds from the garden to fit into the numerous, divots — perfectly sized for tiny fingertips — on the board.
I appreciate the minimal design, which allows us to keep the board out without contributing to a feeling of clutter or overcrowding. This is always a consideration for us given the small size of our home, and the lack of a dedicated play space / bedroom for our youngest family member.
Longer-Lasting, No-Carve Pumpkin Decorating for a Small Stoop
On his birthday last month, our little one desperately wanted to create a jack-o-lantern. Knowing full well that a hallowed-out pumpkin wouldn’t survive long under the fluctuating marine layer and beaming sun in our coastal town, we caved in and carved one.
The results were endearing, but — as expected — only lasted until October 1.
After collecting and devouring a dozen Halloween books in recent days, our 4 year old was adamant about replacing the pumpkin. So we took a Tiny Adventure to a local farm / pumpkin patch, and selected a handful of funny little beauties to introduce to our small stoop. The agreement upon securing the batch was that they would be no-carve pumpkins, with the goal of them lasting longer.
We used the metal pumpkin glasses I found on Etsy years ago, along with a few other decorative facial features (made into stakes) that we found on-site at the farm.
(Click here for the pup version, click here for various other characters.)
The results continue to make us giggle whenever we walk into our home.
We’re not quite done yet. We intend to make a VOTE pumpkin, of course. See you at the polls, or at the ballot drop box, folks. Let’s vote in epic numbers — for the planet and for racial justice — so our voices cannot be ignored.
Tiny Adventures: Searching SoCal for Fall During the Pandemic
In need of some fresh air and a change of scenery, we took a tiny adventure to Underwood Family Farms in Moorpark (just outside of LA) this week.
We figured it would be a good way for our little one to stretch his legs while we sourced locally grown pumpkins and produce.
We wore our masks, of course— not just to keep ourselves safer, but to help protect others.
We also adhered to social distancing protocols, and visited right when the farm opened to the public at 9am in order to avoid crowds and the heat.
In order to both reduce waste and possible increased exposure to COVID, we toted our own snacks and beverages as usual.
We brought home a handful of funny lil’ pumpkins.
We’ll be decorating them in a no-carve way in order to extend their lifespan. (More on this in the following blog post.)
When we arrived home, we were thrilled to discover our mail-in ballots in our post box. We’ll spend the week educating ourselves on the issues and candidates with which we’re unfamiliar. And in the days to come, we’ll also send out our Vote Forward letters to residents in swing states. After all, October is the new November.
Weekend Activity: Getting Out the Vote as a Family
Above: “VOTE!” posters & postcards available for download here.
“To meet the challenges of the climate crisis and preserve all that we hold dear; to retain democracy, social justice, human rights, and other hard-won freedoms in the future, we must part ways with that which threatens to destroy them. Now is the time to make profound shifts in how we live, work, and relate to each other.”
- The Future We Choose: Surviving the Climate Crisis
Writing letters to voters is one of the most effective ways to help increase election turnout. So this weekend, our family will be writing letters to registered voters in Georgia to encourage them to cast their ballots in the upcoming election.
The template, instructions, names/addresses, and safe return address were provided to us via a coordinated process orchestrated by Vote Forward. This non-profit has increased their letter-writing goal from 10 million to 15 million, so there’s still an opportunity (and plenty of time) to get involved for those who are interested in helping get out the vote in swing states.
We’re always happy to support the USPS by purchasing stamps… and our little one is always more than happy to adhere the stamps to envelopes.
In the words of John Lewis:
“Your vote matters. If it didn't, why would some people keep trying to take it away?”
