Guide for Avoiding Unnecessary Gifts
How to politely deal with unwanted gifts— hopefully before they’re given, but also after the fact.
This is an updated, more comprehensive version of an earlier post entitled, “How to Politely Handle Unwanted Gifting.”
It’s the time of year… for unwanted and unnecessary gifts. With the planet in crisis, folks struggling financially, and families grappling with an excess of clutter in their homes after being indoors for the greater part of two years, I’d argue that it’s time we more widely accept and respect one’s decision to firmly avoid giving and receiving gifts.
But how do we kindly tell a child’s grandparents to stop sending toys?
What do we do about well-intended friends who insist on giving “something!”?
What solutions are there for rehousing the unwanted gifts that inevitably make their way through the door, despite the recipients wishes?
And what are some unique gifts that won’t further contribute to overflowing households, and — inevitably— landfills, which have a greater impact on disenfranchised and marginalized populations?
Since living in our cottage, having our first child, and learning more about the climate emergency, we began gently telling our friends and family that the absolute best gift they can give our son is an inhabitable planet for his generation and those that follow, and that giving him random stuff doesn’t help him in the long run.
For years, this conversation was easy for us, as most people knew that we lived in a tiny house that couldn’t accommodate excessive belongings. Now, as we’re in limbo and transitioning between living environments, we’ve had to remind folks that even though we’re temporarily in a larger home, we still have the same views regarding gifting. We were hit with a wave of presents for both West and his little sister when she was born. We know that everything was acquired and sent our way with so much love, but we believe that the impact of the items (from the manufacturing, to workers’ rights, to packaging, to transport, to haphazard placement within our temporary home, to eventual disposal of some sort,) matters more than the intent.
For folks who take affront, and/or just don’t quite understand our reasoning, I suggest or give a copy of The Future We Choose: Surviving the Climate Crisis, and/or Aja Barber’s book, Consumed: The Need for Collective Change: Colonialism, Climate Change, and Consumerism.
Of course it needs to be acknowledged that to ward off gifting of this nature is a privilege, as so many people are living unhoused and without the basic necessities. But, as Barber wrote in a recent* Instagram post, “The things which are said to us in childhood normalize living in a world with inequality… “ (ie: “Be grateful for your food / gifts, because so many people are going without!”) So instead of tricking ourselves into believing that we should simply continue to accept unnecessary gifts and keep our thoughts to ourselves, we’ve instead started pointing the folks who wish to convey their love in tangible form in the direction of nonprofits such as The RightWay Foundation, which are in constant need of financial and product donations.
We are, however, always happy to receive children’s books, knowing that our kids will explore them thoroughly for years, and that we can ultimately pass them along to other children, a library, or a local school once they’re no longer being read.
We also embrace the idea of gifting experiences, such as museum or garden memberships / admissions, Airbnb Experiences, digital subscriptions, local food and beverage, and other such presents that support an organization or small business while also providing our family or others with a new adventure of some sort.
When it comes to regifting unwanted items, I look at it this way: If a giver circles back and asks me to reveal the whereabouts of a present they once gave us, that relationship is probably one that needs some reconsidering or deep work. And besides, there are so many people, families and organizations in need of certain goods that I feel no guilt in passing along a thing we do not need here, and giving it instead to someone who can put it to good use.
When rehousing an item, we’ve discovered that it’s extremely important to first verify that an organization can indeed put it to specific use, otherwise it is statistically destined for a landfill. Hopefully the original gift-giver would understand and support that action.
’Tis, after-all, the season to share.
(*Reference to a post by Aja Barber entitled, “Where do out human rights and and others begin?”)
Safe Housing for the Holidays and Beyond
Supporting The RightWay Foundation
My grandpa Lou was orphaned at 9. He bounced around homes, towns, and states. He watched a caregiver burn his clothes and everything he owned right in front of him. At various points he lived on a breezeway, ran away, was reunited with - and then dismissed by - relatives.
It wasn’t until he met a mentor, his rabbi, that he felt heard, safe, and guided. He took over the management and responsibilities of a scrapyard, he served and traveled in the military, he started a family, and he gave back to his communities.
When foster youth have a person and place they can count on, they can begin to pivot their energy from surviving towards thriving. This is one of the many reasons I passionately support The RightWay Foundation, and invite you to join me. (A donation link is always on my site.)
At the end of December, The County of Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services will officially emancipate 1,370 young adults from their program, leaving them with no support. These youth will lose their housing and a stipend during the pandemic and escalating homelessness crisis. If we don’t fix our child welfare system, the cycle of trauma and poverty will continue.
RightWay’s job training, mental health sessions, housing support, and overall community services work. I’ve witnessed it first-hand, and if you sign up for their newsletter and subscribe to their Instagram feed, you’ll see it too.
Last Minute Halloween Decor
I have a 5 year old who is, of course, thrilled by Halloween. And yet I cannot seem to get it together to decorate for the occasion this year.
In the past, while living in Venice, we would simply hop on our bikes or walk the pups through the canals to get our fill of spooky ghosts in palms, witches riding brooms on balconies, and pumpkins baking themselves in the SoCal sun. Here in the woods, however, I can no longer rely on neighbors for our fall fix. But, between running the business while in a state of limbo as far as our home is concerned (though we’ve made great progress this week — more on that soon!), the baby’s current sleep pattern, and the ongoing realities of life during the pandemic, I’ve felt depleted of the sort of creative energy that fuels festive DIY home projects… at least for the time being.
Luckily we do have a handful of old metal pumpkin stakes, which we can use on the pumpkins that we’ll get at a patch later this week. (The photos of the stakes in this post are from last year’s Halloween at the Cottage.)
Other than that, the only thing I’ve managed to muster is a dozen or so paltry paper bats, which we’ve clipped to the playroom / nursery curtains with clothespins, as well as taped to the end of chopsticks to use as shadow puppets. (These types of paper cutouts are often at craft supply stores, but they’re also easy to make at home with a compact Circuit Joy.)
Surprisingly the bats have satiated our little one. So much so that he rearranges the paper and pins while making up stories about the animals during the day, before grabbing a flashlight and continuing the activity in shadow puppet form at night.
All this to say: for those who are too exhausted to magic up a festive stoop or haunted house this Halloween, you’re most definitely not alone. Thankfully, all these wonderful children of ours seem fine with skipping the bags of landfill-bound faux spiderwebs and plastic cauldrons as long as they feel seen, heard, and loved.
Travel with a Baby & Pre-K Child
During our past trips overseas, Adam and I prided ourselves in packing lightly— carry-ons only, even with a child and the essentials for running my small business from afar in tow. However, on this voyage to the farmhouse with our (then) 4 month old and 4 year old, we decided that the most important goal was to have our hands free as much as possible.
We packed 2 checked bags: one with clothes and shoes, the other with necessities and the Dock-a-Tot. We carried 2 backpacks: one diaper bag, one tech/work bag. And West had his little rolling suitcase, which held his books + toys, while also operating as a ride-on surface through the airport, and as a foot-rest / “bed box” for the airplane rides. We didn’t bring a stroller or carseat, opting instead for a baby carrier (like I mentioned, hands-free!), and rental safety seats upon arrival. All-in-all it was more than we would’ve liked to bring, but during our stay we repeatedly used every single item we brought.
Some items that made the packing and travel process smoother for our family at this stage of our lives are listed below:
Airline Bassinet
Did you know that on some longer flights — depending on the airline and plane model — you can request a baby basinet seat ahead of time? (There’s no extra charge.) The basinet seats are located in the bulkhead aisles of the planes, which we find to be an extra bonus for tall / long-legged folks such as ourselves. With these seats, West’s adaptable suitcase had to be stowed for take off and landing, but could be in use otherwise, as we weren’t in an exit row.
Some notes about the bassinet per the flight crew: The unit is unfolded and affixed to the bulkhead wall by the crew after takeoff, and stowed prior to landing. The baby’s head has to remain on the side of the bed that’s closest to the oxygen masks. (In the embedded video, we had the baby in the opposite direction and ultimately had to rotate her position.) The baby needs to be out of the bassinet and secured via the airline-provided belt extender loop for take off and landing, as well as turbulence.
Child Safety Bracelet
Click here
Adam and I gave West a customized safety bracelet for the trip. It contained our names (not his) and phone numbers. We explained to him that in the event he became separated from us, that any official behind a counter at the airport could locate his parents if he showed them his bracelet.
Reusable Water Bottle & Cutlery Set
For each of us, we have a small set of reusable cutlery (no knives for air travel) and stainless steel bottles for refilling at airports.
Kid’s Combo Suitcase
Click here
This ride-along suitcase hauls items and easily becomes a seat, footrest and bed-like adapter for airline seats for a child. Upon booking our tickets, we also verified that it was approved for use on the airlines we selected.
Lightweight Nursing-Friendly / Wrap Sweater
Click here
This isn’t a nursing duster, but it works well for chilly plane rides and an added touch of privacy.
Dock-a-Tot
Click here
Whether traveling or at home, the Dock-a-Tot is one of our baby essentials. It’s particularly wonderful for small spaces.
Vintner’s Daughter Travel Set
Click here
Other than SPF and my yearly bar of tea tree + charcoal face soap, the only skincare product I use daily for my face is this duo set by Vintner’s Daughter. They just released a travel version, which is long-lasting and easy to tote.
Roll-Up Art Case
Click here
Although I use this to carry some of West’s supplies, I must admit— it’s mainly for me.
Kid’s Crayon Roll
Click here
Since day one, this has been our go-to crayon roll at home and during travel of any kind.
Kid’s Roll-Up Playmat
Click here
This little mat is easy to tote, and is perfect for play as well as an on-the-fly placemat for snacks.
Steamline Luggage
Click here
We love our Steamline bags! However, I recommend them more for carry-on or car travel, rather than as checked bags, simply because they’re so beautiful and I cringe to see them dinged or scuffed!
Lauren Groff’s Matrix
Click here
I read this upon our return from the farmhouse, but I wish I’d had it on the trip. Groff’s stunning writing can transport her readers anywhere in mere moments, and would’ve been fantastic to absorb during those jet-lagged nights spent nursing.
Cord / Tech Organizer
Click here
Passport Cover + Luggage Tag
Click here
Creating a Closet Reading Nook for a Child
View the corresponding video for this post via Pinterest, here.
As we closet out the summer and welcome the fall, we’re still somewhat in a place of limbo as far as our home life is concerned. Our shared farmhouse in France is undergoing fundamental repairs (which we knew would be required going into the acquisition), and our small shared cottage in the Southeast has just been permitted for construction. As such, when in the USA, we’re in a temporary space. While we are comfortable, we still feel adrift, which has been a challenge for everyone, including our four year old.
Starting with our uprooting from Venice, and continuing on to our move across the country (and across the Atlantic, to a certain extent), and the arrival of baby Léa, our pathway through 2021 has been a serpentine one.
To give our pre-schooler a solid little place to catch his breath and call his own as we work on our long-term home projects, we transformed a walk-in closet into a quiet little reading nook. Here, he can escape the barking dogs, the crying baby, and his frenzied parents when need be.
We decided to simply work with the existing space, using various items left over from various partnerships and our cottage. This helped us keep the budget, waste and overall lift minimal.
After temporarily relocating most of the closet’s clothes (which belong to other family members, as this is also a shared space), we confirmed that the walk-in was indeed quite roomy and usable for our little one.
All that was needed was a fresh coat of paint to match tones from the bedroom while adding a pop of color. We chose Evergreen Fog (SW 9130) by Sherwin-Williams, as it’s a subdued but striking green-grey blend that’s full of soothing character. Our son participated enthusiastically in the painting process, which hopefully provides him with even more of a sense of connection with the space.
With the help of floating shelves, a pendant lamp, a child’s reading chair, and a stack of library books, West now has his own escape pod. Naturally, he often finds Sophee in there waiting for him, but what else would you expect from our sweet beagle menace?
Thank you to Sherwin-Williams for providing the lovely paint used for this quick and playful small space makeover.
Leaving the Farmhouse (for Now)
While my family was at our Farmhouse for the first time, a good friend of mine sent me a voice memo saying I looked like, “a woman in love.” She was right. The feeling I experience while in our new-to-us house is the sort of feeling I’ve only experienced while living in Venice. It’s the feeling of loving a physical place as completely as I love a person. It’s the feeling of home.
You can imagine how reluctant I was to leave. For the second time in a year, Adam and I closed and locked the front door of a (tiny) home we love, and begrudgingly left. But, unlike the cottage, we’ll return to the farmhouse one day soon.
The bright side of this is, of course, being reunited with our four-legged family members. I refuse to be separated from StanLee (our senior beagle-mix) for too long. When I first adopted him 13+ years ago I was working in France from 2-4 months per year. Eventually I just couldn’t stand being away from him, so I stopped going.
Adam and I would’ve loved to take the pups with us on this first visit to the farmhouse, but there was no way I was putting them through the trauma and risks of air travel for a one month stay… especially after driving them across the entire US earlier this year.
So, as planned, we’re back on the east coast for the time being.
Why so short a trip, rather than a forever move?
Well, lots of reasons. All of which we knew in advance.
The point of this first stay was not to relocate completely, but to instead meet with local contractors, establish plans for the first round of restoration work, get a better understanding of the land and structures since we’d purchased it all sight-unseen, and to make sure we hadn’t dreamt the whole place up to begin with.
The most pressing issue is that the farmhouse roof and ceilings are in desperate need of major repair— an issue of which we were aware going into the acquisition. There is some water damage that compromises the integrity of the building, while likely being unsafe for the little ones and their developing respiratory systems. Despite the fact that the house looks fairly large in photos due to the outbuildings, the residence is under 800 sqft, so there can be no relocating to one room or another while the restoration is underway. Instead, the entire home will be unlivable throughout the duration of the roofing project.
While this major, urgent work is being conducted (and shared with us in realtime via WhatsApp… so we can share it with you too!), we’ll be focusing on our tiny cottage build and newly completed greenhouse in the southeast. The prairie cottage is slated to be built this the fall. I’ll share the entire process here, and I’ll continue to post images and updates from the farmhouse.
Our trip to France was also brief due to medical considerations. Upon our return, I had a simple surgery from which I’m currently healing. Plus, my parents and Adam’s folks all have various health-related issues to handle, and we intend to be here in case anyone needs our help. And, of course, Léa’s doctors are keeping track of her growth and development after her IUGR. (So far so good, thankfully.)
As I’ve expressed before, the farmhouse is a forever home for us. We’ll be there again soon when the timing is even better.
Buying a Property Abroad: Finding the House, a Realtor & a Notaire
How we found our French Farmhouse as Americans
For years I’ve known the exact place in France in which I wanted to live. As such, I simply ran web searches for homes and land for sale within a given set of miles surrounding that town. I searched patiently for about two years before taking action.
In addition to seeking listings online, I also connected with the local Mairie (mayor’s office) to inquire about lots that might be introduced to the market in the near future, and/or properties that were still unlisted.
To read the full-length version of this piece and view all the photos, please consider becoming a subscriber to my Rightsizing newsletter. Subscribing is like walking into our cottage or farmhouse, but without getting all the dog hair stuck to your clothes! Paying subscribers will receive my newsletter, and full length versions of posts from this (now abbreviated) blog, along with exclusive imagery. We’ll nurture a community of folks who are interested in multigenerational living, co-stewardship, and life in — and with — a smaller footprint.
A Summer in Limbo
There’s been a great deal happening over here as far as our home and family journeys are concerned, but our months are still being spent in an odd sort of limbo.
Above: Dress from Carolina K, whose Zero Waste Collection can be found here.
We’re currently in the process of packing for our first trip to the tiny French Farmhouse. Meanwhile, we’re also preparing for the greenhouse to be constructed here in Northern Florida, and we’re progressing through the permitting process for our small prairie cottage / ADU, which is slated to be finished before the end of the year.
While our family is extremely eager to return to small space living (and documenting our experiences), things like this take time. This is something that’s easy to forget in the age of instant gratification and the glossy home transformations we see on social media and on TV.
During this interim period, we’ve learned so much about the value of multigenerational living.
Despite some work-related inconveniences, I’ve actually really appreciated this transitional situation of ours during my 4th trimester.
As we spend this warm summer managing the realities of life and our ongoing projects, we’ve been sticking to the most simple of activities.
Rather than planning camping trips, weekend getaways and engaging in elaborate games or excursions with our four year old and newborn, we’ve stayed home and outdoors as much as possible.
Playing backyard bingo, filling and refilling a little nature museum box, and watching shows with our portable projector are activities that have provided us with new outdoor experiences every day, without the need to commit to anything that we just cannot add to our juggling routine at this time.
When I overwhelmed by the to-do list and frustrated by the slow progress of our home journey and feel as though too little has been accomplished, I focus instead on the fact that our tiny hummingbird has almost tripled her birthweight in this time. I remind myself that I’ve had the immense privilege of being with her for every nap. Every smile. Every bedtime and wake up. Almost every single feeding. And, recently, her first giggle!
We will eventually have our hands filled with our little home & business. For now, our hands are blissfully filled with this growing miracle.
Above: Jamie Haller Shoes
Thoughts on Sustainability x Home Design
In reading decor and design trend predictions for post-pandemic life, I noticed that the topic of sustainability is only touched upon in the context of product sourcing.
The articles reference buying responsibly-crafted materials and furnishings, but rarely do they delve into the wider picture of what consumer trends (like having several walk-in pantries to contain an overflow of small appliances and plastic organizers, or having a dedicated entertainment room AND a dedicated gym AND a bedroom-sized closet) mean in terms of larger global impact.
As we await the permitting of our small ADU cottage on the prairie, I’ve been thinking a lot about this.
(For folks inquiring about when we’ll post a home tour: well, we’ll post one when we have an actual house. And, hopefully, we’ll get to the French Farmhouse soon, and I’ll share plenty from there as well.)
Some of the materials and concepts we’re putting into play in the cottage were chosen with sustainability at heart, while other decisions were made almost entirely with logistics, climate and constraints at the top of mind, at the seasoned recommendation of the GC. I’ll go into much greater detail and cover the process step-by-step once the construction begins, as I prefer to have more evolved visuals to accompany my words. But my hope is that the scale of our project is so small that any imperfect impact is minimal.
Our family is very, very eager to return to small space living (and documenting our experiences), but things like this take time, which is something that’s easy to forget in the age of instant gratification and the glossy home transformations we see on social media and on TV. Plus it’s simply a great deal to juggle in tandem with a newborn who has digestion difficulties, a four year old who is going through major lifestyle changes, and a small business.
Thanks for being with us during the interim. We’ve learned so much about the value of multigenerational living (I’ll share more on that later as well), and I’ve really appreciated this transitional situation of ours during my 4th trimester.
Improving Maternal Health Outcomes
For a bit there, life was moving slowly — the pregnancy, the recovery, getting established with the French farmhouse, business, communication, initiating the prairie cottage build, etc. Now everything is off the ground and running in one stage or another, and life is a tangle of constant designing, breastfeeding, collaborating, editing, laundry, untangling charging cables, planning, setting alerts, and troubleshooting.
No matter the pace, I’m so thankful to do everything with my children by my side — or, to be more precise, on my lap (West) and at my breast (Léa Lou).
What a privilege it is to have reached this point. What a privilege it has always been, whereas so many women are denied meaningful support and quality care from the onset of their pregnancies. The impacts of such treatment and lack of care are immeasurable.
There’s currently a maternal health crisis in America, and it disproportionately impacts Black and Indigenous women.
I believe the country needs work towards improving maternal health outcomes, implement education on bias, racism, and discrimination for maternity care providers, and invest in equitable care and community-based initiatives to reduce levels of and exposure to climate change-related risks for moms and babies.
If you are looking to learn more and/or become an advocate for birthing justice, you can do so easily. Visit Every Mother Counts, or click here for further details on the Black Maternal Health Momnibus Act of 2021.
In this post, I’m wearing work by Native Fashion Artist Jamie Okuma.
Cloth Diapering (Again!)
We used cloth diapers with our first child, and are happy to return to a slightly modified version of our diapering routing with our newborn. While they’re a financial investment up-front, they end up saving money over time, in our experience.
It's estimated that disposable diapers make up over 2% of the garbage in American landfills each year-- that's millions of tons. One of the key criticisms of cloth diapers is that they require an increase in water to wash, but that amount of water is far less than the amounts required to manufacture new diapers and packaging— to say nothing of the toll of transport and disposal of single-use goods. Parts of cloth diapers must be washed after every use, but shells from hybrid styles can be used multiple times in a row, depending on the circumstance. If a cloth diaper is well maintained, it can be put to use for years and passed on to other families.
Here is a simple run-down of our process and resources.
Diapers
We use Grovia all-in-one cloth diapers. Since it’s not recommended to go more than 2-3 days between washing, we find that we need about 10. We have the newborn styles (which we’ll soon pass on to a friend and/or a Buy Nothing Group), and about 15 of the larger size, which get more use since they are adaptable and grow with the child.
Cloths
We’ve collected reusable cloths over the years, and have a stack of about 25 for diapering. Grovia cloths are super soft and gentle, and we also use some we sourced via Etsy.
Turning Cloths into Wipes
For a gentle alternative to conventional baby wipes, we spray this all-purpose solution onto a moist cloth. We also have a stack of Water Wipes in case we’re out of any supplies, or if we’re on-the-go.
Changing Surface
We prefer Gathre mats for changing, and always have 1 hand on the baby since there are no safety straps. We have one padded mat, and one foldable mat that can be used on softer surfaces.
Rinsing + Storing (after use / pre-laundry)
After changing the baby and relocating her to a safe spot, we rinse soiled diapers above the toilet with a handheld sprayer / bidet nozzle. This ensures that no major messes make it into the washer/dryer. (It takes about 5-10 minutes to install, and works with most toilets.)
Mop Bucket
We temporarily store rinsed, used diapers in an open-top mop bucket (which we suspend from a shower curtain rod in order to save space) so they can breathe. After emptying the bucket for laundry, I spray the container with an all-purpose, non-toxic solution and let it sit while starting the wash wash. Then I wipe out the bucket with a washable cloth so it’s clean and ready for the next round.
Solids
To catch solids (to then dispose of in the toilet), we prefer bioliners. They’re not zero waste, but compared to a full disposable diaper, these dryer sheet-sized liners aren’t hugely wasteful and make cloth diapering much more doable for folks who wash at home. One roll of liners lasts a long time.
Laundry
After removing fecal matter from diapers via our rinse method (outlined above), we run diapers on rinse/spin cycle on cold with no detergent. Then we wash using hot water and 1 Tbsp of concentrate, and 1-2 scoops of Oxygen Boost. (I personally am not obsessed with keeping the diapers pure white. As long as they’re clean, I’m not bothered by slight discolorations when they happen.)
Drying
When possible, we dry the diapers in the sun on our retractable clothing line. It helps bleach the cloth while saving energy.
Travel / Diaper Bag
We tote a zippered wet bag around for used diapers while on-the-go.
Averting Fuss
Our newborn is too young to require entertaining during changes. However, when our son was of an age when he needed some entertainment to get him through the cleanings, we showed him musical greeting cards that folks had sent him over time. They offered plenty of amusement with no need for a screen.
Fourth Trimester + Newborn Baby Essentials
Small space newborn baby essentials
As I blissfully but groggily navigate the fourth trimester, I’ve compiled the following list of items that have been the most useful to me over the past 8 weeks. However, much more important than any of these material goods is clear communication inside my partnership with Adam. The sharing or division of responsibilities, as well as making space for feelings and new realities are the most effective tools in our possession. And, at the end of the day, as long as our baby has food, shelter, health and love, she’s getting what she needs.
Note: I’ve linked many of the items below so readers can learn more about any given product, but if something sparks your interest, perhaps consider exploring a Buy Nothing Group, second-hand resource, or local small business rather than buying new via a big box retailer.
Click here for this customizable, handmade ring
Adaptable nursing pillow
I thought of nursing pillows as unnecessary items… until our little one ended up in the NICU. During the long hours there, I found it difficult to hold her tiny, cord-covered body without some sort of stable neck and wire support for her, and the pancake pillows at the hospital weren’t helping. This adjustable nursing pillow has a back pocket for a heating pad, built-in pockets for books, phones, cloths (etc), and three inserts for varying degrees of height and support.
Collapsable Cup
Any time I start breastfeeding the baby, I immediately become wildly thirsty. As I did while pregnant, I bring this cup absolutely everywhere with me. It’s collapsible (and then pocket-sized), and it helps me stay on track with my water intake.
Block dish soap
This is our favorite package-free dish soap, which we use in addition to boiling pump + bottle parts.
Reusable sponges + brush
Behold— a reusable sponge that actually works and lasts! We use it in tandem with this set of bottle brushes.
0-3 mo pacifier
We likely would’ve tried to skip the pacifier with the baby, but the NICU team provided her with some, so we occasionally do the same. We used this rubber version (plastic-free) with our first child (who stopped using them when he caught a cold around 1 year old), and so far they’ve worked well with the newborn, too.
Folding bottle drying rack
With all the pumping I do, a folding bamboo drying rack (atop a foldable, washable drying mat) is one of our most used items.
Stainless steel bottles
These bottles are lightweight for little hands, while being plastic-free and durable.
Breast milk collector
This brilliant little silicone, plastic-free suction pump is the most minimal, no fuss way of saving breast milk that I’ve tried. I use it when nursing by placing it on whichever breast the baby isn’t occupying.
Plastic-free milk storage bags
I don’t like freezing milk in glass (because I’m clumsy), so these silicone bags, which stand upright for easy filling + cleaning, are my favorite plastic-free method of freezing or warming breastmilk.
Baskets-turned-mobile-nightlights
For a portable nightlight, I popped rechargeable battery-operated twinkle lights into these sweet baskets.
Baby dock
I believe we have gotten more use out of our versatile baby dock than any other baby item.
Baby carrier
I was pleased with the washable, multi-directional carrier that we used with our first. I couldn’t wait to use it again with our second once she put on a bit of weight.
Portable, hands-free pump
I used this portable pump during my first pregnancy, and made it hands-free by adding a pump bra. There are also truly hands-free pumps, which are now available with reusable inserts (rather than disposable plastic milk collection bags).
Baby eat, sleep, poop journal
We found this journal helpful when keeping track of the baby’s functions per our doctor’s request.
Reusable wipes
While we do have a small stash of Water Wipes, we mainly use washable cloths from Etsy and Grovia. (I bought ours, but I plan to get a sewing machine and make my own soon!)
Cloth diapers
We used All in One cloth diapers for our first child, and have happily returned to using them with our second.
Spray nozzle toilet attachment
In order to rinse the cloth diapers before tossing them into an open-weave bucket where they await a proper machine wash, we use this easy-to-install handheld nozzle, which can also function as a bidet.
Peri bottle
On the subject of bidets, this upside-down peri bottle is pretty much a portable bidet. It’s especially helpful for post-delivery recovery when paired with a few drops of Witch Hazel.
Organic large swaddle
These Willaby undyed, organic cotton swaddles (gifted to our family by @dr.organicmommy) are slightly oversized and thus usable as a baby blanket, nursing chair cover, swaddle, burp cloth, and stroller or baby carrier sunshade.
Folding baby gym
Perfect for small humans and small spaces, this minimalist folding baby gym was a favorite of our son’s, and is now being put to use by our daughter (and — occasionally — by a pushy beagle as well).
Stretchy toys / Teethers
These handmade, stretchy fabric and natural BeachWood Teethers can be used on their own or with an activity center, like the one we have.
Folding upright bouncer
We didn’t use one of these with West, but little Léa has reflux and spits up large amounts of milk regularly. This bouncer has been extremely helpful for keeping her safely upright during the moments when we’re unable to hold her. It has a minimal design and folds easily, making it practical for small spaces.
Unbreakable books
“Indestructibles” are chew proof, rip proof, 100% washable, and non-toxic. While we like board books, they take up a great deal of space. By contrast, this series of slim books for early readers is practical for families with young kids in compact quarters.
Lactation bites
When nursing overnight, I usually eat one of these yummy little lactation bites to help keep my milk supply up.
Skincare (body)
This pregnancy + nursing safe, fragrance-free, all-body moisturizing stone is handmade by a small business, and is entirely plastic-free. It’s the only body moisturizer I’ve used for years, and it’s even mild enough to use on babies. The stone travels easily and requires very little space on the shelf or in a bag.
Skincare (face)
Other than soap and sunblock, these are the only two products I use daily on my face— a serum and a treatment essence. I feel comfortable using them while pregnant and breastfeeding, and they replace an entire suite of other skincare products. They arrive in minimal, plastic-free packaging, and are housed in compact glass bottles.
Apron
I’m constantly being spit up upon, and I’m always in need of spacious pockets. As such, rather than tailoring my entire wardrobe to accommodate such realities, I’ve started covering my outfit with this handmade linen apron, which has roomy pockets and easy access for nursing.
Our Newest Family Member
Post Summary: My shortened, high-risk third trimester, my attempts to engage in hypnobirthing practices during an induced hospital birth, how our family navigated the NICU experience, and how overjoyed we are with our baby’s safe arrival.
I’m pretty sure that this is what magic looks like, folks. Introducing the new member of our cottage crew, little Léa (pronounced “lay-uh”) Lou:
Today is Léa Lou’s original estimated date of arrival, but she was born three weeks ago through induced labor.
PREGNANCY & COMLPICATIONS
When I was 29 weeks pregnant, we had a medical scare that set the pace for the remainder of my time carrying. What had initially been labeled a “normal” elderly multigravida pregnancy for the first two trimesters was then revealed to be truly high-risk, as it turned out that our baby was classified low birthweight, and measuring below the 1st percentile across several parts of her body. While identifying her fetal growth restriction (known as IUGR), the doctors also discovered that I had a 2-vessel umbilical cord, which was the only contributing factor we could pinpoint regarding WHY my baby was so extremely small. (It was especially perplexing, as I’m nearly 6’ tall, and my husband is several inches taller than I am.)
From then on, I went to the doctor twice-weekly for fetal heart rate monitoring, blood pressure checks (always normal), and routine evaluations of the baby’s measurements, weight, and practice breathing capabilities. Every visit carried with it the possibility of emergency induction, but, thankfully, it never came to that.
LABOR & DELIVERY
Over time, our family and the medical team dared to hope that the baby was simply on her own timeline, and growing small with no other health complications. Still, I’d been advised to remain on alert for a potentially urgent delivery— possibly via c-section, if it appeared that the baby’s tiny body couldn’t handle the stress of the journey through the birth canal.
When I reached week 36, I was scheduled for an induction for week 37.
I practiced hypnobirthing with West, and had been planning the use of similar labor techniques for this upcoming birth experience. Inducing labor was not part of my vision, but it become apparent that the benefits of delivering our baby early outweighed the benefits of maintaining the pregnancy until full term, as her growth remained alarmingly slow.
I was induced with Pitocin and the use of a foley bulb, which is a catheter that’s inserted into the cervix. Both were unpleasant, but the other elements of the birthing process were as wonderful as I imagine a hospital birth could be.
As I’d hoped, I was able to labor without the assistance of pain management medication, just like I did with West. However, this decision wasn’t without risk. By foregoing an epidural well into the delivery process, I was making a gamble. If the baby needed an urgent C-section that far into labor, I would have to be fully put under for the surgery, and Adam wouldn’t be allowed in the operating room. Our child would be born without a parent witnessing and having a voice at the birth.
But I felt confident that our baby knew what she was doing, and that— again— she was simply on her own timeline.
During active labor, I focused heavily on my breath, and on breathing the baby down. I listened to breath-work audio tracks and a small selection of music via my AirPods. I managed surges by picturing myself in the ocean, pressed fluidly against firm but safe currents and waves. And, randomly and unexpectedly, I also found myself mentally choreographing movements that corresponded with the songs playing, which also helped guide me through the contractions in a meditative-like state.
When I progressed to the stage that’s almost entirely debilitating, Adam and the incredible medical staff were there to encourage and support me. They did so with respect, allowing me to maintain a sense of dignity as a birthing mother in a highly medicalized environment. I remember expressing my gratitude to them in moments between rapid contractions, as I felt exhausted but overall relieved and empowered thanks to their expertise and approach.
Although Adam and I had a few favorite names standing by, we agreed to wait until we met our baby before assigning one. But, in the otherworldly moments of the final push that ushered our hummingbird into this world, I surprised us all by instinctively crying out Léa without conscious thought as she transitioned out of my body.
It was with the greatest relief that we were able to witness her beautiful little body entering this world— tiny, but healthy.
A Week in the NICU
After some precious minutes nursing, as well as skin-to-skin time with Adam, Léa was tenderly relocated to the NICU. Even though she wasn’t technically a preemie at 37 weeks + 1 day, her low birthweight resulted in some similar conditions to that of premature babies. For example, our daughter was having issues regulating her body temperature, and she had newborn hypoglycemia (as we were warned she likely would).
I spent the majority of my 2 recovery days/nights in the hospital by the side of her bassinet, feeding her every 3 hours between her blood tests, temperature checks, and other newborn exams. The IV and needles were tough to accept as a parent, but as I looked around at the other babies in the NICU, there was no way of losing sight over how fortunate our family was. We were alerted to the details of worst case scenarios, but she sidestepped them all. There were a few sleepless nights when our daughter toed the line of needing further medical intervention, but she always pulled across the required thresholds in the end.
The skilled NICU nurses and staff worked 12 hour shifts, and there was almost always someone near Léa’s station. Adam spent the days with West and the early nights by Léa’s bedside. After being discharged myself, I drove back and forth to the hospital multiple times per day to nurse the baby and deliver pumped milk.
After Léa regained the ounces lost after birth, along with an additional ounce to get her to a carseat-safe weight, we were permitted to take her home. Our tiny NICU graduate left the hospital with warm encouragement from the staff, and even soft cheers from passers-by.
As I sit here typing this with my daughter on my chest and the laptop on my thighs, I still can’t believe she’s here-- our mighty Léa Lou, a 3lb, 15oz (now 5lb!) miracle who takes my breath away and completes our family.
Acknowledgement of Privilege
Meaningful and tangible support is not provided for all pregnant women when it’s needed most. Systemic and interpersonal racism in America have lead to disparities in maternity care that result in a higher risk of complications and death for Black women and women of color. We are not powerless to help rectify this issue. Our voices matter, independently and collectively, so let’s get + stay vocal about the fact that equitable care must be accessible for all. Our elected officials are meant to represent us, so let’s champion those who support anti-racist policies that are geared towards a safer existence for women and children of color from conception through all stages of life. Visit Every Mother Counts for more information and ways to take action.
My Attempt at a Lower Waste Hospital Bag
Unlike our multitasking nursery, which I was sluggish to tackle since we’re in a temporary space, I packed my hospital bag more than a month ago. At 29 weeks, I was admitted to the hospital with complications regarding my high-risk pregnancy, and was gently told at the time to be prepared for labor and delivery every week since. I prepped my suitcase shortly thereafter, and it has since been standing dutifully by. I’ll soon reach 37 weeks — a marker I didn’t think I’d reach, but am profoundly grateful to be approaching.
SIMILARITIES + DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MY FIRST BAG VS THIS BAG
For this upcoming laboring experience, the contents of my hospital bag are largely similar to those from my first time around, and I’m reusing several necessities. I’ve made a few small adjustments to try and curb some of the single-use supplies that are regularly used in the hospital. But my attempts at a lower waste birthing experience are lopsided, as I’ve had to acquire some items I didn’t need the first time around— mainly in anticipation of a smaller baby and, potentially, a lengthier stay in the hospital. For some goods, I sourced second-hand, whereas I purchased new for others.
GIFTS FOR LABOR + DELIVERY STAFF
Another difference is that this time we’ve thought to include something else for the medical staff, as I’ve already logged long hours in the maternity department in recent weeks. Rather than guessing what goods might be useful to the large medical teams at our new hospital and scrambling to have bundles ready at any moment, Adam and I decided to have freshly baked pastries catered to the department come delivery day. (I asked a doctor well in advance if such a gesture would be permitted given COVID, and inquired outright if such a gift would be put to good use.) We figured this was a practical, low waste, affordable token of our appreciation.
Here are some of the items* in my hospital bag (a compact suitcase by Steamline), curated in anticipation of our specific situation:
Underwear
I packed a small pile of Knix period underwear, which I used prior to my pregnancy as well. They’re available in a variety of styles and absorbency levels. I also have a few nursing bras from Boob, and a hands-free breast pumping bra.
Large Collapsible Cup with Lid
I never leave the house without my oversized Stojo collapsible cup. The contact-free machine at the hospital allows us to refill it with water and ice chips whenever needed. (Those ice chips definitely helped me experience my first labor without an epidural.)
Portable Pump + Accessories + Bottles + Parts
In case the baby and I have a longer stay at the hospital, I’ve charged and packed the same tiny, portable breast pump and parts I used with West. (I updated the tubing and smaller accessories for hygiene purposes.) I also added a set of Colostrum Collectors, and my single, manual breast pump for use on one breast when feeding with the other.
Pura Stainless makes an interchangeable-part bottling system that we’ve used and appreciated for years. In case of a lengthier stay for the baby, we have a supply of stainless baby bottles and corresponding newborn/slow flow nipples packed in a small cooler bag that slides within/beneath our diaper bag.
Recycled Tech / Accessories
Thanks to their sustainable materials and plastic-free packaging, I’ve been a loyal Nimble customer for years. They make tech accessories such as longer-length phone / iPad cords, portable batteries, adapters and more, and I have a small supply in my hospital bag, as well as my purse at all times. I’ve also added a lightweight, travel LED mirror to my tech sleeve. And, just in case, I’ve got my laptop and password book for work, along with an e-reader and the portable bluetooth speaker that we usually keep on our cargo bike.
Cloth Diapers
We have a collection of new + used cloth newborn diapers from Grovia. These all-in-one washable diapers were what West wore, and we’ve always been pleased with how well they work, and how comfortable they seem to be for little ones.
Premature + Newborn Clothes
We have a few hand-me-down preemie garments (like the puppy onesie below) that we’ve packed for the hospital and for going home. Unlike last time, we also purchased some extra-small preemie pieces, as we expect they’ll be needed.
Toiletries
I cut off a slice of my tea tree + charcoal face wash bar, and packed it alongside the only two products I’ve relied on daily for years: Active Treatment Essence and Active Botanical Serum (both in glass vials) by Vintner’s Daughter. I also included items like refillable toothpaste tablets by Bite, plastic-free hair elastics, and bamboo brushes.
Baby Daily Log
This is the same journal we used to log West’s nursing + sleep + movements for his first few months. We had pages to spare, so the book is being put to repeated use.
Maternity / Nursing Clothes + Slipper-Socks + Masks
I’ve got my usual maternity and old nursing-friendly dresses ready to go, and opted to skip anything with a waistband entirely. I packed a few pairs of pilates-style, no-slip sock/slippers, as they’re practical for climbing in and out of hospital beds and traversing cold floors.
Vitamins, Snacks (for myself and family), etc.
We have a mini-cooler at the ready with my travel container of Ritual Prenatal Vitamins, my 8Greens tablets (which I began using once we started traveling across the country for our move and didn’t have easy/safe access to daily greens), routinely (re)packed fresh fruit, nuts, sugar-free hard candies, and Cerebelly granola bars for my 4+ year old in case he’s allowed to visit the hospital if COVID regulations regarding visitors change.
*Please note that some of the above links direct to major online retailers in order to provide readers with additional product details, while simultaneously supplying us with information on the number of clicks each link receives, and occasionally a (very) minor commission that helps support our small business. However, I encourage folks to search for any of these items via smaller, independent, low waste, and/or local shops when possible.
Designing a Multi-Functional Nursery in a Borrowed Space
Post Summary: Designing a Temporary Nursery in a Borrowed Space (as a Method of Soothing Anxiety)
Our baby is expected in April. Due to recent complications, it was recommended to us by medical professionals to prepare for the possibility of his/her early, emergency arrival. For now, we’re taking it one milestone week at a time, grateful for every tick of the clock with this little one incubating inside me.
I actively try to think positive. I do believe that there’s unfathomable power in our energy and mindsets. Still, I’ve found the anxiety I’ve experienced during this pregnancy impossible to shelve entirely. It bubbles up in odd times, and has crept into my actions — or inactions — throughout the first and third trimesters in particular. This has been the root of my reluctance to plan a nursery of some sort. To be uncomfortably transparent, I was scared of creating an environment for a little one who might never experience it.
With my first pregnancy, I found myself mentally designing the closet nursery from the day I saw my test results. It was such a deliberate and heart-filled little process and place, with no detail left unconsidered. This time around, I’m more focused on the baby’s first home— my body— and the way it has both bolstered and betrayed us. My priorities have simplified and slowed. I’m honed in on one sanctuary at a time. One event at a time. One day at a time. (This isn’t so much by choice as it is by necessity.)
In the first trimester, I looked ahead by bits and pieces. I squared away the crib, dug out the old carrier and cloth diapers, and made a list of pump parts that needed replacing. But then, between our move from the cottage and the subsequent health scares, I stopped. I felt stuck in every way.
Besides, this is my second time I’ve found myself planning a nursery — our last nursery — in a borrowed space. And much like my health, there are things I can change, and things I simply and frustratingly cannot. Sometimes it’s a relief to surrender to one of the limited paths before you. Other times there’s a sense of urgency to fight like hell to form a new path. I didn’t want to surrender. But I also felt far too stretched to do much of anything else.
This past weekend I turned 40, and I rounded a curve. I’m diving back into this precious pregnancy with a shifted mindset. Every kick and roll from the baby is part of a new, intimate conversation between the two of us about our future. Sleeplessness is no longer time wasted, but bonding time gained.
As far as the nursery is concerned, I’m regaining sight of an activity I love— working with what I’ve got. I’m blending what already exists in the room with a mix of layers and materials thick with meaning. (The photos in this post are various pieces + inspirations I’m putting to use.)
I can’t change the carpet, the ceiling light/fan, or even certain furnishings… just like I can’t change some of the things taking place within my body and the baby’s. But I can create a safe, and loving space— inside and outside the womb. And I am finally able to envision and embrace a multi-functional place for our growing family to experience together.
Posts showing the room transformation to come.
On my 40th Birthday: Celebrating Together the RightWay
Today is my 40th birthday.
There will be no toasts, as I’m in my third trimester of a high-risk pregnancy. We’re even sidestepping the once-obligatory pandemic Zoom gathering, as the internet connectivity out here is spotty at best.
None of this matters, because I get to celebrate in a more meaningful way with you— by supporting foster youth futures.
If you’ve ever found any information I’ve shared on my blog or Instagram to be of value, and if it’s comfortably within your means, I’m humbly requesting contributions to The RightWay Foundation this weekend as a way of celebrating my 40th together.
If you make a donation, please add a note of why in the digital Donor Scroll so I can thank you!
My family has everything we could possibly need. We want everyone to be able to have those same comforts. Our friends at The RightWay Foundation do critical preventative work to end the pipeline from foster care to homelessness, unemployment, incarceration, and poverty by providing foster youth with therapy, job training, community support, and connections to opportunities in the workforce. And RightWay's Operation Housing First program fights post-foster-system homelessness by guaranteeing rent in a furnished apartment and providing continuous mental health services, while assisting our youth in securing livable wage employment to help them achieve financial independence.
Thank you, as always, for being here and supporting our small business + family, as well as this organization that is so near and dear to our hearts.
Here’s to 40, and a brighter year ahead for all.
Want to celebrate your milestone the RightWay? The RightWay Foundation has set up a how-to campaign resource for anyone who wishes to raise awareness and/or funds for this marvelous non-profit on their special day. Click here to learn more and get started.
Photos by Lucia Doynel
Planning a Nature Playground
Between the ten acres here and the eight acres of land enveloping our little French farmhouse, our family will cross over fields and pass under branches far more than we’ll cross over streets and pass under the shade of buildings. I’m relieved and pleasantly surprised that my four year old is into it all thus far— he was so acclimated to our Venice life, which was basically the opposite of this.
On a recent evening, as West and I held hands and stomped across the prairie towards a canopy of towering oaks, I asked him if he missed the beach. (In the month leading up to our relocation, he strolled to the Pacific every day to play in the shallow waves.) His reply was thoughtful but swift:
“I suppose so. I miss it, but not all the time. I like it here.”
I reminded him that it’s possible to feel many emotions at once, and to even harbor conflicting feelings. He considered this, and then reminded me in return that we can always drive to the beach when desired.
He then rattled off a list of things he loved about being here: the tiny wildflowers he collects for his Grandmother, the Sandhill Cranes he’s met, the frogs clinging to the windows, and the bright red twinkle of Mars overhead surrounded by gleaming stars. (That last point made me particularly happy, as I remember him pointing out a line of street lamps in Los Angeles when he was 2 and asking me if they were stars.)
I pointed out that all of the things he listed were outdoors, so I’d work on creating a small, rambling playground for him. He was overjoyed, and insisted we scout locations immediately, despite the fact that our dinner was cooling on the kitchen table as we spoke.
We’re taking time to plan out a nature playground made with found and foraged items that we can repurpose and use creatively throughout the woods. I’d like to include a small labyrinth of stones or logs as well, as a way of forming a little path that we can trace when helping West (and ourselves, for that matter,) sort through emotions and breathe deeply.
In the meantime, we’ve purchased a few wooden + rope items from Etsy to suspend from the trees. So far we have a swing, a climbing ladder, some rings, and a rubber tether-ball— all items that would’ve worked just as well in our tiny Venice garden or home if I’d only thought to look for them sooner...
I’m taking notes from my little one on how to sink into change. Like him, I’m embracing the new experience. But unlike him, I’m older— I’ll need more time to absorb everything. And that’s okay.
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Complications
Content trigger warning: Third trimester pregnancy complications / fetal distress.
Yesterday we woke up to our very first morning in our new temporary home. I (safely) met with our architect, tackled my Monday work agenda, and felt flushed with relief over the opportunity to finally settle into a new routine that would allow me more moments with West, and dedicated time to better experience my third trimester.
Above: Photo from my first trimester in Venice.
By evening, I was in an ambulance being transferred from one hospital to another due to pregnancy complications after realizing how drastically my baby’s fetal movements had decreased during the previous, hectic days.
The initial test results weren’t good news, but thankfully they’ve since improved somewhat. The main issues stem from certain fetal growth complications. But I’m relieved that I believed my body when it told me something just wasn’t right, and that I then had the option of seeking medical help.
My family is now navigating our way through waves of vast worry and uncertainty, but we’re doing so with optimism and hope. Adam and I believe that our unborn child is resilient and knows what to do. And we have faith in the numerous professionals who have provided me and the baby with exceptional medical care thus far.
I’m not sharing this because it feels better to do so— it doesn’t. It feels too personal, and too terrifying to type out these words with sleepless eyes and shaky hands from a hospital bed. And it causes my family to further sink into some of the potential, unthinkable outcomes that have been outlined for us in stark terms. Instead, I’m sharing this to acknowledge the immense privilege I’m experiencing, even in the midst of gut-wrenching panic.
Meaningful and tangible support is not provided for all pregnant women when it’s needed most. Systemic and interpersonal racism in America have lead to disparities in maternity care that result in a higher risk of complications and death for Black women and women of color. We are not powerless to help rectify this issue. Our voices matter, independently and collectively, so let’s get + stay vocal about the fact that equitable care must be accessible for all. Our elected officials are meant to represent us, so let’s champion those who support anti-racist policies that are geared towards a safer existence for women and children of color from conception through all stages of life.
Become familiar with your reps — I need to get to know ours now that we’ve just moved, and visit Every Mother Counts for more information and ways to take action.
... And if you have a moment, please hurl a powerful, positive thought skyward for our little one. I certainly feel this community’s love and strength, so maybe that means my baby will, too.
Update: I’ve never felt more buttressed by community than I did this week. I cannot thank you enough for your support, which the baby must have felt as well. We were able to leave the hospital, and we did so as one - outcomes that initially seemed unlikely. From the depths of my heart, thank you.
Leaping from the Nest
Over the past two weeks, we gave away our single car and left our little home and community. I just realized that the only keys I have now are the ones for our bike locks.
Above: Details from packing up the Cottage.
We are carefully making our way (masked and distanced) across the country in a rented SUV. Our belongings now occupy a sliver of a shared-haul biodiesel moving truck. Our plants went to carefully chosen, loving homes. My small business is no longer rooted in California. The keys to our small, shared French farmhouse are being guarded safely in that region until we can responsibly get there. The prairie cottage is still in the architectural design phase. So, for this brief moment, we’re untethered.
Above: Packing up after an Airbnb stay during our careful road trip / move across the country.
Is this what I expected my life would look like at 39? Honestly, I can’t remember ever having a concrete vision of what I envisioned— or if I ever envisioned anything in particular at all. I’m currently at peace with that.
The last time I felt anything like this was several years ago when my long time employer-turned-client kicked me from her business’ nest, as her company underwent a major transition. I suddenly had no way to sink behind my usual daily comfort and routine. After years of diligent work, I found myself with no safety net, no stable healthcare and no paycheck. I urgently took everything I’d learned and applied it to creative new endeavors without a specific goal in sight. Both my business and personal worlds improved, and my life suddenly felt like my own in a way I realized it never had before.
This current moment in my life isn’t dissimilar.
Above: Working at an Airbnb during our careful road trip / move across the country.
I’d known that something needed to change, but that initiating and sticking to those changes wouldn’t be easy, as we’d built a life and nest we loved enormously in Venice.
Now, I’ve leapt from that nest, and I’ve pulled my family out with me.
I know it was the right decision. For growth. For creativity. For overarching sustainability. For deeper happiness. For love. And I am bubbling with excitement over our upcoming projects and experiences. But adjusting personally, as a family, and as a business — especially during such global upheaval, crisis and weariness — will take time. And I just keep reminding myself that that’s okay. We are all overwhelmed and exhausted, every single day.
As I waddle sleepily around our new landscape, I don’t feel like I’m struggling to find my footing. Instead, I feel like I’m forming a new path, and hand-placing each pebble as I go. Good things need time to take shape.
Saying Goodbye to the Cottage
Saying goodbye to our cottage this week broke our hearts.
That was the first place Adam and I called home together.
We got engaged there, and then married on the front stoop.
The yard was StanLee’s first patch of earth to call his own.
It’s where Sophee joined our family.
It’s where West took his first steps— within the exact same 6’ square that, years later, he happily danced in for hours on end to delightfully obnoxious holiday songs. I
t’s where we’d stand to chat over fences and through doorways with our neighbors, who became part of our family.
We hugged nearly everyone we love dearly under the roof of that house.
It was the heart of my small business.
It was our little world.
Not a day went by in those 10 years that Adam and I didn’t stop to acknowledge out loud to one another how grateful we were to live (and work) there.
It meant so very much to us.
As I sat propped up in bed in an Airbnb during our drive across the country, bawling my tired eyes out in the middle of the night, Adam’s hand lightly touched down on my body just in time to feel the baby move. West slept safely in bed with us. The pups gently snored at our feet. Everything that matters most was pressed up against my skin. I know that.
But still.
That goodbye really, really hurt.
